Nicholas

College 2.

2007-03-12T01:40:06Z

For some odd reason i came to this website today. Only to find two updates from the same person (Lindsey Yeo) who i have'nt talked to in years. So yeah I am still up at Mt.P in my 30x10 cell with three other dudes, and still waiting to get the fuck out of Michigan. Sometimes life can be a kick in the dick and other times can be a glorious BJ eithier way its still life. The question is as grade would put it "are we here to understand or just to survive?" I like the idea of understanding better. So thats what I am trying to do. Just recently I have been on thinking that I have never really experienced or seen true suffering. I imagine most of us would like to be spaired that. I mean there is so many other good things to truly experience. However, lately ive been thinking about wanting to know true suffering. For one, i think to appreciate and take full advantage of the safe/privlidged life i really do have. Two, to maybe come out of that and be able to help those suffering to come experience a safe/priviliged life. At the same time suffering would be so awful I cant imagine ever really wanting to experience that.

College.

2006-10-17T13:14:48Z

Heh live journal...its been a while. I started writing an acctual journal i try to write in it everyday. College is tough, its hard to stay on course. I've had many challenges so far here and i am sure they will continue to come. I am fighting with this desire to get away to where i dont know. I just need to be patient, put a few things together before i can get out. Much love.

Subterranean homesick alien

2006-03-14T04:32:54Z

The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting
The smell of the warm summer air

I live in a town
Where you can't smell a thing
You watch your feet
For cracks in the pavement

Up above
Aliens hover
Making home movies
For the folks back home

Of all these weird creatures
Who lock up their spirits
Drill holes in themselves
And live for their secrets

They're all uptight
Uptight..

I wish that they'd swoop down in a country lane
Late at night when I'm driving
Take me on board their beautiful ship
Show me the world as I'd love to see it

I'd tell all my friends
But they'd never believe
They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely

I'd show them the stars
And the meaning of life
They'd shut me away
But I'd be all right
All right..

fadeingwords @ 2006-01-11T23:24:00

2006-01-12T04:39:18Z

Object: To show how money has no bearing on happiness and how it can be quite the opposite. Go into the value and meaning of good and bad character. Society's pressure and the rise above.

Character: Who you are when no one else is around(Evan). Experiencing all aspects of economic status as well as social status (# of friends and quality of their friendship). Being able to empathize with those you do not understand. If you believe in a god the way you depict that god (in your head) is what you want to be like and will strive to achieve. This also has the same principle with idols or people you look up too.

Importance of Character: Is what defines you as an individual rather than money or popularity. Also can depend on the quality of your life.

Paradox's: Why do we enjoy being sad? Why do we transfer hate?(Justin) Why are we here?? Is the human race progressing in ideal and moral value?

Enjoy: Happiness: Health, Epiphany's, Crying, Fun, Ignorance and Quality of life.
Sadness: Learning, Epiphany's, Crying, Release, Anger and Depression.

Happiness/Sadness: Without one the other does'nt exsist.

Expression: Music, Literature, And Art: Films, Photography, Graphic Design (LBC) ETC And the Importance of that Expression.

Where is the original idea?
I tell myself do not rush inspiration.-

Holy Canoli

2005-04-23T23:31:26Z

Shiite muslim i forgot i had one of these.

Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize that everyone you know some day will die?

The Flaming Lips.

FUCK YOU!(in a joking manner)

I feel like a turbo nerd updating this damn thing. I have no idea what i want to tell the live journal community.

"Here in St.Cloud's," Dr.Larch wrote, "I have been given the choice of playing God or leaving practically everything up to chance. It is my experience that practically everything is left up to chance much of the time; men who believe in good and evil, and who believe that good should win, should watch for those moments when it is possible to play God--we should seize those moments. There won't be many."

The Cider House Rules.

Guess ill throw that in there its in my profile so it must be cool.

Hung over. Man i tell you alcohol can really beat you up.

Leave a comment if you have something nice to say.

Ulysses

Megaman

2004-07-22T01:00:50Z

i just beat doctor wiley.accomplished. last night was fun keys mom shouldnt be such a cunt.

fadeingwords @ 2004-07-11T03:35:00

2004-07-11T07:36:22Z

what a crazy night.

not just broken wings beneath my heels

2004-07-04T19:22:46Z

nobody noes how to party like the crew. happy fourth of july mother fuckers. i hope everyone gets wasted tonight. im cleaning my house with my family and already on beer number 6. dont worry im not alcoholic just everyday is a holeiday.

comment and tell me how much you love/hate me.

Im at a loss for words but i keep on speaking

2004-06-15T06:31:44Z

god damn this summer has already been such a blast. i went streaking for the first time in my life and it was fucking halirous. ive eithier been wasted or high everyday of this summer. already had my first kiss by a pretty cool chick. oh and the pistons are fucking glorious.

GO PISTONS!

fadeingwords @ 2004-05-31T23:10:00

2004-06-01T03:11:26Z

I'm at a loss for words but I keep on speaking. Apologies, I have none. I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I've done. Courage cannot be approached with caution. And I'm one hundred percent certain that I'm not sure because every time you think you got it, it changes. And if I want it I'll get it, and you know what, I want it all. I'm still getting the mixture down, but I'm staying. It's the difference between what's right and doing the right thing.

damn it feels good to be a gangster

2004-05-18T18:55:13Z

ADD er all made school fucking rock and roll today the last hour we watched a movie the whole time i did homework and organized myself and i never got satisfaction because i only have two folders for six classes

my homeboys bring out the best in me.

eye crud

2004-04-02T02:13:20Z

slept through thursday bowling and bored as fuck again which leaves me to write some bullshit down in here. mount pleasent bash tommorrow hope to see you there. its funny that my dad has now accumlated a chrystler crossfire, harley davidson ultra classic, ford f-150 triton v-8 and his truck (2004 GMC) that has every damn feature imaginable on there. now that i have a job he makes me pay for my damn lunch and the quarters i have stole from his room are depleted. tonight i have thought about "the poor" and realize how shitty it would be to be poor this gives me the energy to try in school but what exactly am i trying for to be like my dad and have cool cars and toys as he calls them.maybe. this life seems all about materialistic things even me i didnt want to buy a 300 dollar piece of shit car that used to be my brothers because i hate the way it fucking looks which i look at myself for this and think lame because it has a new engine and you cant beat three hundred dollars. and you are not the car you drive nor how much money have. but this doesnt mean i dont want a cool car and to be rich out of my mind one day.
Also fucking kids need to not be stupid and avoid herion and crack.

poem time (because i am emotional)

The erie music blared as we kicked in the door screaming became a constant and in my shrieking and pain i began to scream my lungs out as iembraced the glory it had given me the next act from reaction i grabbed her beautiful face and put my knuckles deep into herbrain as i left the room with blood soaked upon my tired body i wipped the droul that had began to form and realized i was in love for the very first time from behind the angry mob could not over take my love for thee i spread love for hours the walls i painted in crimson spray and i was prepared to swallow the rest of humanity as a follower of god.

this poem^ is in dedication to the rock out session going down tommorrow beware of me at the show.

so much beauty in dirt

2004-03-25T03:48:47Z

the classic nine o clock head ache strikes again but at least i no longer am a drug little more irritable i guess you could say and im writing in this shit again but this is a rare happening. i dont know if its a good or bad thing that i have endless amounts of confidence and am not scared to say dumb ass shit that comes to my head in the front of my class i can imagine theres a bunch of kids out there saying in there head what a doosh bag but it doesnt bother me because how well do those kids acctaully know me. i remeber being insecure and i cant say that im not insecure at times but im a hell of a lot better then i used to be. i used to act depressed. i used to think my shit didnt stink. im glad to be passed that. and im glad to know that i dont know it all. also my eyes are facing forward planning my future but for the next couple years theres not many hard decisions im going to face which is fine by me so i can just sail on this part of my youth were i have the best of friends and have the time of my life and dont have to worry about paying bills but rather to plan on what things i dont need to buy, beer, ciggerettes, video games, drugs etc. the weeks are starting to accellerate <(sp) the thought of summer is producing this sort of perma-smile,blissness, eurphoria (weed increases), better attiude. my body seems to be growing still which is fine by me i like my mass. although theres so much happiness it is intrupted by many things sometimes friends not understanding me or friends wanting me to understand them and i cant because it goes against my beliefs. also my mom makes me very angry and i thank god i dont have anything telling me i have to be anything like her. well enough talk about what makes me angry it strengthens the headache ::pop 2 motrin 800s::. ahhh there we go. for every weekend there has at least been four or five parties going on and next weekend party at CMU adams rocking it hard and im getting wasted its going to be a good time. i hope that when all these kids go on spring break they come home safe. well thats the end of this useless entry i guess i felt obligated to update by a unknown source (a chick flick) i refuse to tell which one. sad angry happy stunned amazed < lately have been feeling some of these emotions so much it brings me to tears but i hold them back because cryings for pussys. and if you read all this you are a loser. one love. call me nicholas

closed casket reqium

2004-02-28T21:18:12Z

dear diary, tonight will be our last
my hands are itching for razors
my angel, this knife shall carve thee wings
consumed by sickness, i ache to see your blood
the hour approaches when i shall lay a nest inside of you

sliced open i lay waste to my desires
sweet entrails are scooped onto the tile

and in my dreams i hold your head beneath the waves
after you've died, i kiss the nape of your porcelain neck
you enter me in death's perpetual embrace
skin tightens in the throes of lust

and in my dreams i cut your mouth from ear to ear
dissecting your angelic body in the quiet of your room
how splendidly i carve into your tender heart
shuddering between the sheets

for weeks i've watched you, perched above your sleeping form
as i caress your perfection
my angel, i'll tear your insides out
my mind is flooding, the marrow of your bones
i cannot subside 'til i have suckled every inch of you

your features now glazed in your own blood
my fingers find home amongst your guts

and in my dreams i hold your head beneath the waves
after you've died, i kiss the nape of your porcelain neck
you enter me in death's perpetual embrace
skin tightens in the throes of lust

and in my dreams i cut your mouth from ear to ear
dissecting your angelic body in the quiet of your room
how splendidly i carve into your tender heart
shuddering between the sheets

whisper your name as you awaken your throat gasps, your skin recoils
we shall be intertwined, entangled in our love
murder beckons as time stops with your voice

"i'll love you forever" -- and forever it shall be
the knives begin singing, they're weeping for your flesh

the pinnacle of obsession is clawing at the fibers of my mind
the rampant state of elation is heightened by the paleness of your cries
with a promise of absolution, my thoughts are tangled in my creations
with a promise of unequaled pleasure, reason is twisting
the knives are crooning for this perfect end

for weeks i've watched you, perched above your sleeping form
as i caress your perfection
my angel, i'll tear your insides out
my mind is flooding, the marrow of your bones
i cannot subside 'til i have suckled every inch of you

i feel the fibers stretch and tear
unbridled climax is achieved
i've waited so long for this moment
the euphoric act of suicide -- suicide!

colonel forbins ascent

2004-02-26T03:09:41Z

Colonel Forbin stared up at the mountain

And wiped away the beads of sweat

That glistened on his brow

His tired feet were buried in the quagmire

And his bloodshot eyes saw all that lay between him

And fulfillment of his vow

And he felt his fingers wrap around a knotted root

And pulled his body upwards

To a sea green mossy boulder

And he dragged his weary shit-ass up the mountain

And he climbed so slowly

He climbed so slowly

Ahead

Ahead

Suddenly he heard the crack of thunder

And the rocks began to crumble overhead

And tumble down the mountain to the

Dismal swamp that lay beneath the jagged cliffs

through which his path had led

And the earth began to quake beneath his feet

And the mighty mountain changed before his eyes

And he stood amidst a sea of dust and rocks and stones

Cascading down the mountain

And a thousand birds were headed for the sky. Oh...

The sacred creed will be yours

And if you wait until tomorrow

The sacred creed will be yours

To devour

Yours

To seize

And to obey

Obey

When the dust had cleared, the colonel lifted up his head

And was driven to his knees by a blazing beam of light

And he saw the silhouette that stood before him

And he bowed in reverence

Trembling in the shadow of the mighty legend's form

Icculus the prophet stood before his eyes

Looking down on Colonel Forbin

Where he shuddered in the puddles and the muck

And he quietly addressed him

And he spoke so slowly

He spoke so slowly

Ahead

He said

Colonel Forbin I know why you've come here

And I'll help you with your quest to gain the knowledge that you lack

I call upon my faithful friend the mockingbird

To fly and seize the helping book and bring it to your shack

And a tree of knowledge in your soul will grow

And the Helping Friendly Book will plant the seed

But I warn you that all knowledge seeming innocent and pure

Becomes a deadly weapon in the hands of avarice

And greed

The sacred greed will be yours

And if you wait until tomorrow

The sacred creed will be yours

To devour

Yours

To seize

And to obey

And to obey

And the famous mockingbird swooped down out of the sky and landed on

Icculus's shoulder, and Icculus whispered into the bird's ear, and it flew

off toward Wilson's castle in the valley below.

Fly Famous Mockingbird

Fly famous mockingbird

Fly...

Fly famous mockingbird

Fly...

Fly famous mockingbird

Fly...

Fly famous mockingbird

Fly...

Fly...

Fly...

Fly famous mockingbird

Fly...

The next morning at the camp Errand Wolfe and Rutherford stood frozen in awe as the famous mockingbird flew out of the sky and laid the Helping Friendly Book at their feet. The quest for the book had dragged on for so many years that it's sudden appearance left the men staring in disbelief, unsure of what their next move should be. The shock wore off quickly though, and Errand Wolfe shot into high gear. He snatched up the book with one hand and the famous mockingbird with the other, and began to inform Rutherford of his plan. He would first kill Wilson, and then put the Helping Friendly Book to work for him. With Rutherford's aid he fastened the famous mockingbird to a pole, with glue and rubber bands, to insure the secrecy of his mission, and then set out to find the only man in Gamehendge who could handle the job of eliminating a King.

fadeingwords @ 2004-01-28T15:44:00

2004-01-28T20:44:17Z

cryofDreams: dave do you remeber the first test you ever failed in school
elite elements: no
elite elements: probably the firstone i took

fadeingwords @ 2004-01-12T22:22:00

2004-01-13T03:22:51Z

And he lay in the sun-warmed sand, counting the waves.

take these sunken eyes and learn to see

2003-12-21T02:51:49Z

so im sick stuck at home coughing my lungs up. its too bad im not coughing from inhaling/exhaling smoke. i havent had a ciggerette in two days it makes me sick my ciggerettes miss me and i miss them. i cant wait for the good times to come from over this break. i still have so much life ahead of me and thats just fine by me. so many good times are going to come. i miss my friends i feel i havent seen them in a while. it bugs me jenna caschera doesnt know that she has bad cd qaulity because she burned shitty copys. i still got a crush on mrs.white which is funny. i met rachael johnson a few weeks ago shes a pretty girl.. but for some reason skot doesnt agree with me. speaking of skot he is thee most picky guy when it comes to girls but he says i am beautiful which means every lady should come and get some. i want everyone to have as many laughs as possible over break. i also want to announce that my screen name and live journal name should be shot but im too lazy to change that shit. hmm what other useless information can i put in here. oh my brother said that when i get a car im going to hurt a bunch of people but im going to come out just fine without a scratch... what does that say about me (to me it says that everything comes easy to me even though i fuck up a lot) it made me sad that he said that but then again it made me realize that he just really has no idea what my life consists of. well im out peace and love

fadeingwords @ 2003-12-07T01:57:00

2003-12-07T06:58:54Z

weekend well spent. fun

IMPORTANT!

2003-11-24T19:47:43Z

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one’"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

fadeingwords @ 2003-11-23T20:31:00

2003-11-24T01:33:17Z

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away
Across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on
Across the universe
Thoughts meander like the restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on and on
Across the universe

feeling is first

2003-11-17T02:50:43Z

ingesting a large quantity of barbiturates and slitting wrists.

Courtney

2003-10-28T03:38:27Z

the best gestures of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

no diggity

2003-10-24T02:27:13Z

It's going down, face the Blackstreet
The homies got me, collab' creations
Pump like Athene, no doubt
I put it down, never slouch
As long as my credit can vouch
A dog couldn't catch me saying ouch
Tell me who can stop when Dre making moves
Attracting honeys like a magnet
Giving em eargasms with my mellow accent
Still moving this flavour
With the homies Blackstreet and Teddy
The original rump shakers
Shorty in down, good Lord
Baby got em up open all over town
Strictly biz, she don't play around
Cover much grounds, got game by the pound
Getting paid as a forty
Each and every day, true player way
I can't get it out of my mind
I think about the girl all the time
East side to the west side
Pushing phat rides, it's no surprise
She got tricks in the stash
Stacking up the cash
Fast when it comes to the gas
By no means average
As almost she's got the heaven
Baby, you're a perfect ten, I wanna get in
Can I get down, so I can win
I like the way you work it
No diggity, I try to bag it up, bag it up
She's got class and style
Street knowledge by the pow
Baby never act wild
Very low key on the profile
Catching feelings is unknown
Let me tell you how it goes
Curve's the words, spin's the verbs
Lovers it curves so freak what you heard

Going with the phatness
You don't even know what the half is
You gotta pay to play
Just for shorty, bang-bang, to look your way
I like the way you work it
Trumped tight, all day, every day
You're blowing my mind, maybe in time
Baby, I can get you in my ryhme

fadeingwords @ 2003-10-13T23:15:00

2003-10-14T03:28:15Z

heh.sort of forgot about this live journal thing. i read a short story today one of nine i feel confused i dont understand why the man killed himself. patience one thing i dont lack much of with peers or people outside of my family. It seems that my real blood family (mother sister father) our the only people i dont have much patience for i need more patience for my family rather than my friends. Not that im not proud of my family name or the people in my family its just my mom and father i wish they were not apart of me i sure hope my genes skipped a generation and i become a great man like my grandfather and maybe carry on some traits of my grandmother. i am not limited to the amount of greatness my parents achieved i have to be better then them. i sometimes wish i were older to start my life. but then i realize i would miss out on many years of experince of great and bad things.ok enough rambling. goodnight dear