Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Nicholas' LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 11th, 2007
9:25 pm	College 2. For some odd reason i came to this website today. Only to find two updates from the same person (Lindsey Yeo) who i have'nt talked to in years. So yeah I am still up at Mt.P in my 30x10 cell with three other dudes, and still waiting to get the fuck out of Michigan. Sometimes life can be a kick in the dick and other times can be a glorious BJ eithier way its still life. The question is as grade would put it "are we here to understand or just to survive?" I like the idea of understanding better. So thats what I am trying to do. Just recently I have been on thinking that I have never really experienced or seen true suffering. I imagine most of us would like to be spaired that. I mean there is so many other good things to truly experience. However, lately ive been thinking about wanting to know true suffering. For one, i think to appreciate and take full advantage of the safe/privlidged life i really do have. Two, to maybe come out of that and be able to help those suffering to come experience a safe/priviliged life. At the same time suffering would be so awful I cant imagine ever really wanting to experience that. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
9:10 am	College. Heh live journal...its been a while. I started writing an acctual journal i try to write in it everyday. College is tough, its hard to stay on course. I've had many challenges so far here and i am sure they will continue to come. I am fighting with this desire to get away to where i dont know. I just need to be patient, put a few things together before i can get out. Much love. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 13th, 2006
11:32 pm	Subterranean homesick alien The breath of the morning I keep forgetting The smell of the warm summer air I live in a town Where you can't smell a thing You watch your feet For cracks in the pavement Up above Aliens hover Making home movies For the folks back home Of all these weird creatures Who lock up their spirits Drill holes in themselves And live for their secrets They're all uptight Uptight.. I wish that they'd swoop down in a country lane Late at night when I'm driving Take me on board their beautiful ship Show me the world as I'd love to see it I'd tell all my friends But they'd never believe They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely I'd show them the stars And the meaning of life They'd shut me away But I'd be all right All right.. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
11:24 pm	Object: To show how money has no bearing on happiness and how it can be quite the opposite. Go into the value and meaning of good and bad character. Society's pressure and the rise above. Character: Who you are when no one else is around(Evan). Experiencing all aspects of economic status as well as social status (# of friends and quality of their friendship). Being able to empathize with those you do not understand. If you believe in a god the way you depict that god (in your head) is what you want to be like and will strive to achieve. This also has the same principle with idols or people you look up too. Importance of Character: Is what defines you as an individual rather than money or popularity. Also can depend on the quality of your life. Paradox's: Why do we enjoy being sad? Why do we transfer hate?(Justin) Why are we here?? Is the human race progressing in ideal and moral value? Enjoy: Happiness: Health, Epiphany's, Crying, Fun, Ignorance and Quality of life. Sadness: Learning, Epiphany's, Crying, Release, Anger and Depression. Happiness/Sadness: Without one the other does'nt exsist. Expression: Music, Literature, And Art: Films, Photography, Graphic Design (LBC) ETC And the Importance of that Expression. Where is the original idea? I tell myself do not rush inspiration.- (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
7:21 pm	Holy Canoli Shiite muslim i forgot i had one of these. Do you realize that happiness makes you cry? Do you realize that everyone you know some day will die? The Flaming Lips. FUCK YOU!(in a joking manner) I feel like a turbo nerd updating this damn thing. I have no idea what i want to tell the live journal community. "Here in St.Cloud's," Dr.Larch wrote, "I have been given the choice of playing God or leaving practically everything up to chance. It is my experience that practically everything is left up to chance much of the time; men who believe in good and evil, and who believe that good should win, should watch for those moments when it is possible to play God--we should seize those moments. There won't be many." The Cider House Rules. Guess ill throw that in there its in my profile so it must be cool. Hung over. Man i tell you alcohol can really beat you up. Leave a comment if you have something nice to say. Ulysses (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
8:59 pm	Megaman i just beat doctor wiley.accomplished. last night was fun keys mom shouldnt be such a cunt. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 11th, 2004
3:35 am	what a crazy night. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 4th, 2004
3:18 pm	not just broken wings beneath my heels nobody noes how to party like the crew. happy fourth of july mother fuckers. i hope everyone gets wasted tonight. im cleaning my house with my family and already on beer number 6. dont worry im not alcoholic just everyday is a holeiday. comment and tell me how much you love/hate me. Current Music: black dahlia murder - the blackest incarnation (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
2:23 am	Im at a loss for words but i keep on speaking god damn this summer has already been such a blast. i went streaking for the first time in my life and it was fucking halirous. ive eithier been wasted or high everyday of this summer. already had my first kiss by a pretty cool chick. oh and the pistons are fucking glorious. GO PISTONS! Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: Grade - the inefficiency of emotion (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 31st, 2004
11:10 pm	I'm at a loss for words but I keep on speaking. Apologies, I have none. I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I've done. Courage cannot be approached with caution. And I'm one hundred percent certain that I'm not sure because every time you think you got it, it changes. And if I want it I'll get it, and you know what, I want it all. I'm still getting the mixture down, but I'm staying. It's the difference between what's right and doing the right thing. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 18th, 2004
2:52 pm	damn it feels good to be a gangster ADD er all made school fucking rock and roll today the last hour we watched a movie the whole time i did homework and organized myself and i never got satisfaction because i only have two folders for six classes my homeboys bring out the best in me. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 1st, 2004
8:53 pm	eye crud slept through thursday bowling and bored as fuck again which leaves me to write some bullshit down in here. mount pleasent bash tommorrow hope to see you there. its funny that my dad has now accumlated a chrystler crossfire, harley davidson ultra classic, ford f-150 triton v-8 and his truck (2004 GMC) that has every damn feature imaginable on there. now that i have a job he makes me pay for my damn lunch and the quarters i have stole from his room are depleted. tonight i have thought about "the poor" and realize how shitty it would be to be poor this gives me the energy to try in school but what exactly am i trying for to be like my dad and have cool cars and toys as he calls them.maybe. this life seems all about materialistic things even me i didnt want to buy a 300 dollar piece of shit car that used to be my brothers because i hate the way it fucking looks which i look at myself for this and think lame because it has a new engine and you cant beat three hundred dollars. and you are not the car you drive nor how much money have. but this doesnt mean i dont want a cool car and to be rich out of my mind one day. Also fucking kids need to not be stupid and avoid herion and crack. poem time (because i am emotional) The erie music blared as we kicked in the door screaming became a constant and in my shrieking and pain i began to scream my lungs out as iembraced the glory it had given me the next act from reaction i grabbed her beautiful face and put my knuckles deep into herbrain as i left the room with blood soaked upon my tired body i wipped the droul that had began to form and realized i was in love for the very first time from behind the angry mob could not over take my love for thee i spread love for hours the walls i painted in crimson spray and i was prepared to swallow the rest of humanity as a follower of god. this poem^ is in dedication to the rock out session going down tommorrow beware of me at the show. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
10:27 pm	so much beauty in dirt the classic nine o clock head ache strikes again but at least i no longer am a drug little more irritable i guess you could say and im writing in this shit again but this is a rare happening. i dont know if its a good or bad thing that i have endless amounts of confidence and am not scared to say dumb ass shit that comes to my head in the front of my class i can imagine theres a bunch of kids out there saying in there head what a doosh bag but it doesnt bother me because how well do those kids acctaully know me. i remeber being insecure and i cant say that im not insecure at times but im a hell of a lot better then i used to be. i used to act depressed. i used to think my shit didnt stink. im glad to be passed that. and im glad to know that i dont know it all. also my eyes are facing forward planning my future but for the next couple years theres not many hard decisions im going to face which is fine by me so i can just sail on this part of my youth were i have the best of friends and have the time of my life and dont have to worry about paying bills but rather to plan on what things i dont need to buy, beer, ciggerettes, video games, drugs etc. the weeks are starting to accellerate <(sp) the thought of summer is producing this sort of perma-smile,blissness, eurphoria (weed increases), better attiude. my body seems to be growing still which is fine by me i like my mass. although theres so much happiness it is intrupted by many things sometimes friends not understanding me or friends wanting me to understand them and i cant because it goes against my beliefs. also my mom makes me very angry and i thank god i dont have anything telling me i have to be anything like her. well enough talk about what makes me angry it strengthens the headache ::pop 2 motrin 800s::. ahhh there we go. for every weekend there has at least been four or five parties going on and next weekend party at CMU adams rocking it hard and im getting wasted its going to be a good time. i hope that when all these kids go on spring break they come home safe. well thats the end of this useless entry i guess i felt obligated to update by a unknown source (a chick flick) i refuse to tell which one. sad angry happy stunned amazed < lately have been feeling some of these emotions so much it brings me to tears but i hold them back because cryings for pussys. and if you read all this you are a loser. one love. call me nicholas (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 28th, 2004
4:17 pm	closed casket reqium dear diary, tonight will be our last my hands are itching for razors my angel, this knife shall carve thee wings consumed by sickness, i ache to see your blood the hour approaches when i shall lay a nest inside of you sliced open i lay waste to my desires sweet entrails are scooped onto the tile and in my dreams i hold your head beneath the waves after you've died, i kiss the nape of your porcelain neck you enter me in death's perpetual embrace skin tightens in the throes of lust and in my dreams i cut your mouth from ear to ear dissecting your angelic body in the quiet of your room how splendidly i carve into your tender heart shuddering between the sheets for weeks i've watched you, perched above your sleeping form as i caress your perfection my angel, i'll tear your insides out my mind is flooding, the marrow of your bones i cannot subside 'til i have suckled every inch of you your features now glazed in your own blood my fingers find home amongst your guts and in my dreams i hold your head beneath the waves after you've died, i kiss the nape of your porcelain neck you enter me in death's perpetual embrace skin tightens in the throes of lust and in my dreams i cut your mouth from ear to ear dissecting your angelic body in the quiet of your room how splendidly i carve into your tender heart shuddering between the sheets whisper your name as you awaken your throat gasps, your skin recoils we shall be intertwined, entangled in our love murder beckons as time stops with your voice "i'll love you forever" -- and forever it shall be the knives begin singing, they're weeping for your flesh the pinnacle of obsession is clawing at the fibers of my mind the rampant state of elation is heightened by the paleness of your cries with a promise of absolution, my thoughts are tangled in my creations with a promise of unequaled pleasure, reason is twisting the knives are crooning for this perfect end for weeks i've watched you, perched above your sleeping form as i caress your perfection my angel, i'll tear your insides out my mind is flooding, the marrow of your bones i cannot subside 'til i have suckled every inch of you i feel the fibers stretch and tear unbridled climax is achieved i've waited so long for this moment the euphoric act of suicide -- suicide! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
10:08 pm	colonel forbins ascent Colonel Forbin stared up at the mountain And wiped away the beads of sweat That glistened on his brow His tired feet were buried in the quagmire And his bloodshot eyes saw all that lay between him And fulfillment of his vow And he felt his fingers wrap around a knotted root And pulled his body upwards To a sea green mossy boulder And he dragged his weary shit-ass up the mountain And he climbed so slowly He climbed so slowly Ahead Ahead Suddenly he heard the crack of thunder And the rocks began to crumble overhead And tumble down the mountain to the Dismal swamp that lay beneath the jagged cliffs through which his path had led And the earth began to quake beneath his feet And the mighty mountain changed before his eyes And he stood amidst a sea of dust and rocks and stones Cascading down the mountain And a thousand birds were headed for the sky. Oh... The sacred creed will be yours And if you wait until tomorrow The sacred creed will be yours To devour Yours To seize And to obey Obey When the dust had cleared, the colonel lifted up his head And was driven to his knees by a blazing beam of light And he saw the silhouette that stood before him And he bowed in reverence Trembling in the shadow of the mighty legend's form Icculus the prophet stood before his eyes Looking down on Colonel Forbin Where he shuddered in the puddles and the muck And he quietly addressed him And he spoke so slowly He spoke so slowly Ahead He said Colonel Forbin I know why you've come here And I'll help you with your quest to gain the knowledge that you lack I call upon my faithful friend the mockingbird To fly and seize the helping book and bring it to your shack And a tree of knowledge in your soul will grow And the Helping Friendly Book will plant the seed But I warn you that all knowledge seeming innocent and pure Becomes a deadly weapon in the hands of avarice And greed The sacred greed will be yours And if you wait until tomorrow The sacred creed will be yours To devour Yours To seize And to obey And to obey And the famous mockingbird swooped down out of the sky and landed on Icculus's shoulder, and Icculus whispered into the bird's ear, and it flew off toward Wilson's castle in the valley below. Fly Famous Mockingbird Fly famous mockingbird Fly... Fly famous mockingbird Fly... Fly famous mockingbird Fly... Fly famous mockingbird Fly... Fly... Fly... Fly famous mockingbird Fly... The next morning at the camp Errand Wolfe and Rutherford stood frozen in awe as the famous mockingbird flew out of the sky and laid the Helping Friendly Book at their feet. The quest for the book had dragged on for so many years that it's sudden appearance left the men staring in disbelief, unsure of what their next move should be. The shock wore off quickly though, and Errand Wolfe shot into high gear. He snatched up the book with one hand and the famous mockingbird with the other, and began to inform Rutherford of his plan. He would first kill Wilson, and then put the Helping Friendly Book to work for him. With Rutherford's aid he fastened the famous mockingbird to a pole, with glue and rubber bands, to insure the secrecy of his mission, and then set out to find the only man in Gamehendge who could handle the job of eliminating a King. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
3:44 pm	cryofDreams: dave do you remeber the first test you ever failed in school elite elements: no elite elements: probably the firstone i took (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 12th, 2004
10:22 pm	And he lay in the sun-warmed sand, counting the waves. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 20th, 2003
9:51 pm	take these sunken eyes and learn to see so im sick stuck at home coughing my lungs up. its too bad im not coughing from inhaling/exhaling smoke. i havent had a ciggerette in two days it makes me sick my ciggerettes miss me and i miss them. i cant wait for the good times to come from over this break. i still have so much life ahead of me and thats just fine by me. so many good times are going to come. i miss my friends i feel i havent seen them in a while. it bugs me jenna caschera doesnt know that she has bad cd qaulity because she burned shitty copys. i still got a crush on mrs.white which is funny. i met rachael johnson a few weeks ago shes a pretty girl.. but for some reason skot doesnt agree with me. speaking of skot he is thee most picky guy when it comes to girls but he says i am beautiful which means every lady should come and get some. i want everyone to have as many laughs as possible over break. i also want to announce that my screen name and live journal name should be shot but im too lazy to change that shit. hmm what other useless information can i put in here. oh my brother said that when i get a car im going to hurt a bunch of people but im going to come out just fine without a scratch... what does that say about me (to me it says that everything comes easy to me even though i fuck up a lot) it made me sad that he said that but then again it made me realize that he just really has no idea what my life consists of. well im out peace and love (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 7th, 2003
1:57 am	weekend well spent. fun (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 24th, 2003
2:46 pm	IMPORTANT! "The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one’" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (2 Comments |Comment on this)